Some days, I feel like I’ve done nothing but take care of my dogs. (It’s not their fault they are needy, and even if it was, I would love them anyway.) That puts them in the best position to assess my qualities as an employee. If my dogs were writing a letter of recommendation for me, it would read like this:
To Whom It May Concern,
Ginger Kay has always been an exemplary care provider. She is very prompt with mealtimes, although she is perhaps too exact in her measurements. She is not adverse to sharing snacks, but sometimes chastises others for their generosity. She embraces the “Spoonful of Sugar” method of administering medicine.
She wakes well upon the low rumble, only occasionally requiring the woof, even in the pre-dawn hours. She is an indefatigable opener of doors.
She appreciates finely synchronized howling for the art form it is. Neighbor watching, border patrol, and floor licking are rightly viewed as valuable canine contributions to the comfort and safety of all.
She never ignores requests for petting. Her rump rubs are superb, rivaled only by her neck massages and tummy tickles. Be forewarned, however, that she requires close proximity. She does not stretch well.
Ginger Kay also possesses managerial skills, and is quite adept at motivating others to clean the yard and accompany us on walks. She herself walks more continuously than we desire; we much prefer her to engage others for this task.
She is a compassionate advocate for our health. She does not mind looking the fool to veterinarians, knowing each of our preferences in treatment. She will stand firm on not allowing one to being removed to back room labs, if past experience has taught that yelping, panic and, later, hunger strikes and/or dehydration will ensue. Her hearing, you may be assured, has not diminished with age.
Despite these fine qualities, we cannot recommend her for a position with your company.
Not only is it a great inconvenience to us when she leaves the house, but she returns more tired than we like. It is highly likely that, were she not with us all day, we would need to wake her multiple times throughout the night. She would arrive at work tired and useless to you. She is also incapable of looking professional due to our hair covering her clothing.
Please do not hire her.
Jebediah and Beatrix