Why did I think that only women with swarthy complexions suffered with facial hair when they got old? Probably because I thought there should be some justice in the world, and they got the facial hair so the wrinkly old pale women would have less to envy.
Once again, I have learned there is no fairness when it comes to the female body.
I also learned that “old” is actually “not young,” meaning that at age 45, I am fighting off a beard one whisker at a time. To add insult to injury, they are red, like my hair used to be.
As you might have noticed in the portrait above, my eyebrows are slightly less bushy, which is good because they can no longer hide behind the big glasses that were in fashion for the last couple decades of the 20th century. (I never did learn to/bother to tweeze them into shape.) I did not draw the crazy old man eyebrow hairs (again – why did I think only men got those crazy eyebrow hairs?) because I only have two of them, both in the same brow.
I have downy blonde hairs which, were I of olive skin and glossy dark hair, would probably already be a mustache, but here my lack of pigmentation is, for a change, working for me not against me. I’m choosing to ignore them because they are only noticeable if you are inches from my face. Unless my husband is lying. I drew them on anyway.
The chin whiskers, I cannot ignore them. They drive me crazy whenever I touch them. (Yes, I can feel them before I see them. I’m weirdly tactile and have bad eyesight.) Usually, I notice them when I’m in the car, the only time my hands are not typing, knitting, holding a book, or otherwise occupied. Once I notice one, I have to pull it out immediately, attempting to grip them with my bare hands.
This drives my husband a bit crazy…I think it is because I look like a loon, obsessively plucking at my chin trying to create a vise with my fingernails to pluck that one invisible whisker. I’m sure it is not at all attractive, but once I feel a prickly little stub, I cannot stop until it is out. I have considered keeping tweezers in the glove compartment, and if more than three of you tell me that is a brilliant idea, I’m going to view that as a voter mandate and buy a pair for each vehicle. Or not, as I’m not sure I could visually locate anything without a magnifying mirror, and that seems too crazy, even for me.
To participate in Novembeard, I’d have to stay out of the car for the entire month. So I’m out.
For men, No Shave November, it is a great reason to forgo shaving to raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospitals. It sounds rather fun, and takes a $30 donation to enter. They shave tomorrow, the 1st of November, then no shaving until Dec. 1. If your husband or son or brother or friend or co-worker is participating, you can also make them shave for a donation of $30, if you don’t like bearded men. Or bid against others to prevent the shaving they desire. Before and after photos are posted online.
Do you know anyone who is participating? If your husband did, would you bid to have him shave, or to prevent him from shaving?
(I am not affiliated in any way with St. Jude’s. I just like people who help sick children get better.)