Please don’t invite me to your baby shower.

For someone whose youngest child is fourteen, I get invited to a lot of baby parties: showers, baptisms, first birthdays, etc.  Although I love babies, and I’m genuinely excited and happy for moms-to-be, the shower is my least favorite party of all.

I am attending one this evening.  I always want to decline the invitations, but I never do.  I go hoping it will be different than every other shower I’ve ever attended.

Why are baby showers designed exactly like a birthday party for a five year old?  Is it to give the mom a template for the next decade of children’s parties?

This is a celebration for an adult woman, becoming a mom or already a mom.  Place some flowers on the table and save the crepe paper and cartoons for later.  We all know how she got pregnant; the stork decorations will not fool us.

Adults do not need to be tempted to eat with cute food.  Appetizing, yes; adorable, no.  Does anybody really want to bite into something decorated to look like a baby?  In this case, “Too cute to eat,” means I’m not comfortable eating something that looks like your child.

Then, games.

For the record, I don’t eat baby food blindfolded.  Or not blindfolded.  Or feed it to another adult.  I don’t even like to watch.

Guessing the circumference of a pregnant belly is not fun for anyone.  I’ve noticed most women try to underestimate, because nobody wants to suggest the mom is bigger than she is.  This game is just awkward for everyone.

Prizes!  I have lost count of the number of scented candles or soaps I’ve been awarded because I can remember nursery rhymes and sitcoms better than my own phone number.

Who does not love presents?  I like buying or making baby gifts.  I would give my friends a gift even if they did not invite me to the shower.  Actually, I’d prefer that, especially when keeping the baby’s sex a surprise.  However, I do not want to sit in a circle and watch anyone open 30 gifts.

At this point, I will happily wander off to another room to enjoy a conversation with anyone similarly inclined.  Escape, however, is not always possible; I was called out once at a baby shower for whispering in the kitchen during the gift opening.  It’s not that I was loud.  The hostess wanted everyone to be present for the unwrapping of gifts.

Then, before we can leave, the hostess gives out goodie bags.  I thought it was an anomaly the first time I was given a goodie bag as an adult, but it seems standard now.  I’ve tried to sneak out without them, but have been chased down in driveways, so now I accept graciously and give them to my daughter when I get home.

No wonder preschoolers leave parties exhausted.

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14 thoughts on “Please don’t invite me to your baby shower.

  1. thanks for the laugh. i always decline and send a gift. i’m with you. i’d rather have good food, good conversation, try not to scare the soon to be mom with stories, and leave the gifts for her to open later. i’ve told my daughter that if and when, there will be no games, no cute food-just a gathering of the clan to welcome a new member.

    • It is the hope that the next shower will be different that keeps me going, and, guess what? The one last Friday was. It was good food, good company, and many warm wishes for the new mom. That’s all. I had a great time.

  2. I don’t know how I missed this one, but you made me laugh out loud. When I had a bridal shower I felt like the present opening would never end. It was hard to sit there and I was the guest of honor. It’s weird. I didn’t have a baby shower. I have seen some really creepy cakes made to look like sleeping babies. They look grotesque when they are cut into and served. People having babies don’t realize that this may be the last adult party they get to attend for a while. If they did I think they would do it differently…maybe.

  3. When I had my first baby shower, I threatened my sister if she tried having any of the stupid games, including the “guess how many toilet sheets fit around my belly” game. But we did play three that actually were fun, and since it was a coed shower, the men really got into it. None of the games involved blindfolding or baby food, trust me. But yeah, most of them are a little silly. But I love cake, so I suck it up. 🙂

  4. I am so with you on this that it is not even funny! I can’t stand the games or the awkward socializing and the PRESENTS?!?! UGHHH, why oh WHY do we have to see each and every one?! Who really cares?? Yup, I can’t stand these things! LOL

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